i guess i have some bad karma since i made fun of the race expo yesterday...
today was NOT my day to run a marathon.
in sum:
miles 1 - 17. good. conservative pace, but right up in the action.
3rd place. 4th. 5th. 4th. and back to 3rd again with energy to spare
and momentum from the downhill. i was ready to get in and mix things
up. and then...................everything shattered into a million
pieces.
gory details:
basically, i hit the downhill section of the course at mile 17.5 and
started to speed up considerably. i had been quite conservative up to
that point, but my legs and my mind were both fresh, and i wanted to
catch maroon lady (she told me her name, but i think she had gu in her
mouth, so i didn't catch it...she was 40 yrs. old ) who i had been
running with and passing back and forth throughout the race. i started
going about 6:30 pace when my entire race and world abruptly came to a
halt. i felt a very sharp, stabbing pain and and SNAP in my left knee
on the outside...the trouble spot i have been dealing with for the past
week or so. i had to pull up mid-stride and do this lame hop-limp
thing. this same thing happened on thursday.
most people are probably not stupid enough to believe that this is
normal and that a marathon two days later should be no problem. but i
am that stupid. or maybe just naive. so i thought maybe i was going to
lose a couple of minutes while i stopped to rub it out. nope. my left
leg no longer bends. something is seriously, SEROUSLY wrong. i am out
of the race. the next aid station
was a ways down the road, so i hobbled along. people kept passing me
saying "cramps? just keep going" ugh. doesn't help. i know what leg cramps feel like and i can deal with those. this issue is entirely different and there is no way to deal.
some lady running the relay really helped me out a lot. she ran by
and asked if i was ok, then said she was going to send help. send help?
oh no. i have officailly become a problem runner. everything is just
spinning at this point. i haven't really grasped what all is happening
and how much this is really going to affect me. just before the aid
station there is a lady sitting on the hood of her car cheering on the
runners. so i stop and ask to use her cell phone so that i can tell my
mom what is going on. she always seems to worry about me when i am
running, and i have no idea how long it is going to take me to get down
the canyon. as soon as i hear my mom's voice and try to explain to her
what is going on, reality hits. i completely lose it. cell phone lady
is now scared of me, i am sure.
it takes quite a bit for me to cry, and i was sobbing. this
hurt. bad. i really wasn't even thinking about the pain in my leg. that
does not make me cry. failure, disappointment, frustration, quitting,
letting people down, losing sight of my goals, realizing my favorite
thing in the world has been cut short....THAT makes me cry.
the nice relay lady came running back up the course in the opposite
direction and tried to offer some sort of comfort. she told me it was
better to stop than to ruin the rest of my season by trying to push
through the pain. that helped, but the problem was not being able to
push through the pain, it was not being physically able to run, or even
walk for that matter. i went under the first aid tent at the aid
station, still crying. all the volunteers were trying to help
me...bandaids? ice for your knee? aspirin? NO. i don't want any of
that. i really wasn't that friendly to them, and i feel bad, but i
really just wanted to be out of the whole situation.
sitting in a chair under a med. tent watching all the runners pass
by was pure agony. torture. i was so angry; so upset at my leg for
failing me. i even threw my timing chip against the rock wall of the
canyon, mostly to vent frustration, but also with the slight hope that
i would break it and my DNF wouldn't show up in the results. HA.
i asked the volunteers if there was a sag wagon that could bring me
down the course; they had no clue what i was talking about. i soon
became the entire aid station's problem. a sobbing blob looking for a
ride. "how are we going to get her out of here?"
finally, a solution. they waved down a car coming down the canyon
and asked them if they would give one of the marathoners a lift. so i
got into a car with three girls who had been camping and were on their
way home. they were too kind. i was now a sweaty-hobbling- emotionally
unstable-marathon drop-out-hitchhiker. i apologized to them for
stinking up their car, and their response was..."we can't smell you at
all, besides we smell like campfire and beer." hahaha. seriously, this
is so funny now, but at the time i saw no humor in this.
the drive of shame was also agony, as we caught back up to the
leaders. maroon lady was a strong second with the possibility of moving
into first. i stopped watching. too painful. after a few wrong turns,
we finally found our way to the finish area, and camping beer girls
dropped me off. now every time they go camping they will say "remember
that time in ogden when we drove that crippled marathon girl around
forever" [campfire circle laughter].
more torture looking for my mom at the finish line. for one thing, i
could not walk without extreme pain, and for another, the clock was at
3:00 and i should have been coming through the chute, not hobbling
around it in tears. i kept running into bloggers with bright
yellow-ribboned medals asking how the race went. i had a bare neck and
my timing chip was in my hand. evidence that things didn't go so well.
so bloggers, if i ran into you and seemed distracted and disconnected,
i was. i apologize if i was unfriendly, but i did not want to be there
at all.
i got my clothes and found my mom. i thought i had finally put
myself together, but moms have a knack for providing comfort, and all i
wanted to do was cry in her arms. she told me the results of the race
and it stung a bit. maroon lady ended up winning, sariah long in
second. i had also passed christina gingras on the hill
at mile 14, and i think she eventually dropped from the race as well. i
can go completeley insane thinking about all the "what-ifs" if my leg
would have held up, but it was not my day. there were other things in
store for me, and i think i can use this as a great learning
experience. i knew i wasn't healthy. i knew my knee was fragile, but i
didn't listen to my body. i ignored the signals, and now i am paying
for it in more ways than just injury. this is going to be a mental
battle for me. i could care less about my leg at this point. i surely
have to take some time off. couldn't run if i tried. i don't even think
i can bike due to the nature of the injury. i am going to get it looked
at this afternoon and i will update later.
ok, it went long again. sorry. but some quick thoughts:
*** ever since TOU, i have focused on higher mileage. i injured my foot in december and had to withdraw from the rock n roll marathon in phoenix.
*** after i was healthy again, the mileage went back up. i held
strong for awhile, but slowly started to feel like i was breaking down.
*** although i ran a decent race at SLC, i felt overtrained, tired.
*** i NEVER have experienced injuries like this until now. it has
been 1 year since my first running-related injury, and i have had 3
more since then.
*** i ALWAYS have done the back-to-back marathons of SLC and ogden.
this is my first DNF ever. EVER. i have a DNS, but never a DNF.
***the difference: since TOU, i have yet to be satisfied or pleased
with any of my races. TOU training was on average 45 MPW, 60 max. this
year training has been average 60-65 MPW, 80 max.
what are your thoughts about this?
if you survived this long,
thanks for reading. i am glad i was able to meet so many of you today.
i am sorry for those of you who i didn't get to meet, or for those of
you who i may have blown off. i hope you all had wonderful races today.
i am excited to read the reports. congratulations to you all.
